Happy Thanksgiving!

This Harvest season my heart is so full and after much time away, I wanted to take the opportunity to share pieces of the incredible journey He has me on.

Since my last blog, I have been in 11 different states, worked 3 different jobs, spoken at several different churches, gotten my feeding tube removed and my drivers license back! 

It has not been easy by any stretch of the means. But if you know me or have followed my journey in any capacity, you know these are all HUGE milestones! And each day I continue to wake up in awe and so grateful to our God.

Still, I am realizing more and more every day it is not about the places or “things” or even my doing. Rather, what Jesus is doing in me and the heart and life transformation that has been occurring behind the scenes. 

Will you TRUST me?

One of the biggest areas I have been challenged to examine is trust. 

With each circumstance I have faced, it seems like my determination just magnified to “protect myself” by putting up tall towers around my heart. 

Don’t get me wrong, I had more than due reason. Still, I am learning that regardless of the cause, this battle with pride and fear and even unforgiveness is not coming from Jesus. 

So this year from the hospital bed, watching the ER doc pull my feeding tube out of me…

To the stage with a microphone with pews of people I don’t know… 

And standing in the airport with a duffel bag, not having a place to call home…

From the chaos of my students every afternoon… To my counselor asking me tough questions.

And even breaking up with a man I thought I would marry… 

Jesus has been whispering, “Do you trust me?” 

You might say that you do while on a stage. But what story is your heart saying? Why is it that you won’t humble yourself and let go of that one thing….” 

Maybe today He is asking you the same thing.

Beloved, will you trust me? Not just in some areas but with everything?

Jesus is The Answer

Another theme has been embracing the unknown and the questions. 

Of course, when I was sick, there were deep questions, especially revolving around that of life and death. I had to plan my funeral and make countless decisions for my flesh, while my spiritual being was wondering the meaning behind such intense suffering and what I did to deserve it.

Still after my healing, it seems like the questions only multiplied. Countless people began questioning me about what happened and the details surrounding my healing, as well as what I was going to do from here as far as futuristically. Others believed I was just crazy and had made it all up to begin with. 

At first, I carried this intense pressure and struggled with not knowing how to answer every question and feeling like I needed to justify everything.

Yet, I have learned that despite our thoughts or ideas, sometimes Jesus is the only explanation. And there are times where even we don’t understand it.

Just like Mary Magdalene in The Chosen series when Nicodemus asks her what happened, “One thing I do know. I was one way. And now I am completely different. And the thing that happened in between was Him.”

So instead of putting all my effort into understanding in my own faulty, emotional brain, why don’t I run to The Author, The Creator, The God of Everything who not only knows our questions, but holds and is The Answer?

Our lives aren’t necessarily meant to make sense on Earth for we who belong to Him are just “foreigners” passing through. Our job is simply to say YES to whatever He is calling us which leads me to my third lesson. 

Will you say YES?

People pleasing and the need for acceptance is deep in my blood. So for most of my life, I have had no idea who I was.

Although as I spent a few months on sabbatical, hiking mountains out west in the late winter/spring and then have settled into stability and solid community these last 6 months, I have been digging that little girl up. 

It has been ugly. Boy has it been ugly. I have not liked what has been revealed. The me that is not nearly as together as I may seem. 

Still it is in that mess, that muck, that sin, that pain, that truth- that God has met me at the foot of the cross with grace and love and freedom. He continues to remind me that He hasn’t given up. I’m just in process like that picture of a pot on the front of my website.

And so in my praying and reading of the Word, He kept bringing up this blog. For what I thought was old and gone, God said, “Alisha, I am not done”. 

I am not going to sit here and say this was an immediate prompt for me to start writing. It has been MONTHS…. For real. I have fought God just like Moses. Literally. I have questioned and asked what I am supposed to say and what if people think I’m crazy and… You name it, I’ve more than likely thought it. 

Still, Jesus said “ALISHA…. It’s not about you to begin with!!!! I am just asking you to say YES!!!

Will you be bold for me? 

Will you use the talents I’ve given to speak truth in love for me?

Will you be raw and vulnerable so others can see me?

In me, I have given you all the authority you need. 

Quit letting Satan be a bully!!

Woah God. You’re right. Fear and pride and busyness and excuses and insecurity and shame and all the garbage the enemy has been feeding me, we are done! Enough is enough. That’s not who I am for I am covered with His blood.

So folks, I don’t know what this looks like and there are lots of questions I still don’t have the answer for. But I am going to trust and keep showing up.

For more than anything in life, I want to magnify and glorify and praise our God for He is more than worthy.

Will you join me for this journey? 

Maybe we call it Mess 2 Masterpiece 2.0 🙂 

I love you dearly! Alisha