Fear.. A word that haunted me as I lay in the hospital after my first blood clot, then my second, and especially amplified after my strokes. What was causing this? Would it happen again? What else was I going to lose? Question upon question seemed to plague me, yet as each hour turned to a day, a day to a week, a week to a month, I learned quiet trust in the dark, lonely and painful hours of the night and to give God my why’s. Surrendering my will to his, I continued to pray that if God wouldn’t heal me then he would at least use me and my “dead” body for his glory…
Yet God had a different plan in mind, even ahead of mine or the doctors’ timeline of healing. Therefore it is by the grace of God that I sit here with both hands typing away, having just walked across my living room to grab a cup of tea from the kitchen. To say the Lord has been good to me is truly an understatement. I don’t think I have fully awakened to my newfound reality as I could have never dreamed nor imagined such and neither could any of my physicians or therapists. Yet as I stood up for that first time in over six months, took my first steps three days later, and even waking up those following days, one thing was still common: Fear.
Now why might you ask? Especially after such a clear miracle. Although I think that explains it all the same: We have an enemy and his name is Satan. And because God is in the business of redeeming all that has been taken, the enemy wants to keep me chained. He didn’t want me to stand up or move. He didn’t want me to walk. And he surely doesn’t want me proclaiming God’s goodness and miracle power to the world. He wants me to doubt and worry. And friend, I want to tell you something. He is trying to encapture you too.
Thus rather than acting on my initial belief that my first moment of standing was the ending of my dependence on others, I believe it has been merely the beginning on the spiritual realm with the Lord and even more so crucial that I continue repenting, believing, receiving and speaking his word and life and my complete healing in Jesus’ name, even before it manifests physically. Because of his blood and body shed for both you and I on the cross, he promises we can be free… Free of all wheelchairs, walkers, and even tubes thus I am going to keep on declaring his truth until it becomes reality whether on this side or not of eternity. Will you join me?
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~Isaiah 41:10~
Be sure to also check out my YouTube Channel: Mess 2 Masterpiece for my latest video about my journey with blood clots and strokes.